I think this is gonna be great. some suggestions:
+at 0:14 where the "strings" (in want of a better word) enter, maybe you could 8va bassa them? I think that might give it a bit more tension. See what works.
+elaborate on that same "string"-line a bit. Instead of just having the cords, at a tiny bit of appregiation, or melody to it (lol, appregiation appreciated)
+This one is more a matter of personal taste I think. But IMO it could use a nice intense deep snare drum (not too much snare). Some syncopic rhytms could add to the song i think.
+It could use more bass
+the hihat(or rather a mixed snare drum Im guessing?) could imo be toned down a bit
+the later melody (starts somewhere around 0:42) could be a bit louder.
+the last four measures of that same melody could be improved by not going down for each consecutive measure but going down on the second measure then up (a fifth?) in the third and down on the fourth.
lots of comments, just trying to help. If you need me to explain what I mean or want more specific suggestions, send me a pm